today's final

was an epic fail. I might just give up. My GPA is already down the tube. all i care about is singing. thats it.

Finals Latest and Greatest Update

First off let me mention that i know my grammar on this thing is awful. I realize that. i just type these posts when i have asecond and i don't stop to proof read and we all know what a good typist i am right. anyway. so to mom and amy i apoloigize but i am not going to improve. well maybe. but not today. anyway finals update. i calculated when all my finals are here goes:

Friday (as in tomorrow): 1
Monday: 3
Tuesday: 1 (the big one....my jury)
Wednesday: 6
Thursday: 1

And there you have it folks. Pray for me pleaaaaseeeeeeee

I sang...

In master class today. So anch'io la virtu magica from Don Pasquale by Donizetti. and i sang dang well to but Kris wasn't very happy. Don't know why. but she wasn't. well actually i have an idea why she is mad. Hmmmm predictament. She was really happy before i sang and then kind of bleh afterwards. She usually tells her students good job when class is over. I purposely kind of waited around for her and she said nothing. Guess I'll get a mouthful in my lesson thursday. Messiah rehearsl was today as well. Didn't go so great. I wasn't warmed up enough and it was freezing in the ensemble hall and it was morning. Anyway. Hopefull Wednesday goes better. I JUST WANT TO COME HOME!

HEY GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!

I GOT ACCEPTED TO HILL CUMORAH PAGEANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! out of 1851 applicants i got choosen! cool huh! yeah baby.

Opera Scenes

Is over :( Kind of sad really. I mean I have more time now but I really enjoy performing. Now before monday I have to somehow read 10 talks do two quizzes and write 5-6 pages of my research paper...which I don't have any research for. Hmmmm. predictament. Oh and I have to memorize my 13 page song to sing in master class on monday and I have Messiah rehearsal with the symphony on monday as well. Boooooooo I might just have to pick priorites at this point. don't hate me mom. Oh and I have to get my car fixed still. These next two weeks might in fact kill me dead.

ho hum....my back hurts

And thats because I am old today. Birthday old. On your birthday I think you're supposed to feel birthday old. It isn't like regular old. On your birthday everybody always says how do you feel? Do you feel old? Usually you can't feel old that fast, but on birthdays you can. So it is birthday old. It's a special old. And I feel it today. Except it wasn't really that eventful <--- Is that even right? Anyway. I got to school and Rachel had put balloons on my locker and she put an apple fritter and a smoothie inside. She's good like that. And I hadn't eaten breakfast yet so it worked out kind of perfectly. hmmmm what else. I'm working right now. Not exactly the thing you want to do on your birthday, especially your twentieth. Although I guess it is a good way to kick off my years as a non teenager. You know responsible and whatnot. This year's birthday wasn't as big of a bust as last years though. Thats good. Last year I was driving back to Rexburg and I didn't get to have a cake so mom put one in a bag for me and I had to put it in my trunk and it broke apart. So I had to eat a crumbling un-frosted cake alone when I got back to school. Yeah last year's birthday was pretty bad. But at least this year I got an intact fritter. Whoo-hoo. I think Wallace, my fish, might die. I came home yesterday and he hadn't eaten his food, which never ever happens because Wallace is a hungry boy. Anyway his food was all mushy on the top and his water was sick. It smells like death. So that would be a pretty crappy birthday present to have my fish kick the bucket but oh well. He is an old fish. coming up on two years soon I think. What a trooper. Oh and I curled my hair today too, because you know you want to look somewhat nice on your birthday. At least I think that is commonplace. Anyway everybody said it was pretty even if they didn't kow it was my birthday, so thats nice to hear. And there is a stupid boy, I'll call him BHBII, for butt head boy 2, in honor of my sisters original BHB. And we used to be good friends and then we weren't because of his own dang fault, and I'm not really complaining about that, but still it is rather weird when I say hi and he says nothing. Like today, we have a class together, he knows it is my birthday, and he says nothing. Fine. But just now he walks in the lab and I say hello and he does this awkward smile thing. He can't look me in the eye when he speaks anyway, but he didn't even tell me hello let alone how was your break? or happy birthday. For crying outloud. It may sound selfish but if you all knew the entire situation you agree with me that he is completely and utterly pathetic. Also for all my family I want you to know that I am already on the roll with your christmas present. I might not have them yet but I am pretty clear on what it is that I am getting for you. So go ahead and panic a bit if you want. And to make matters worse I really don't know what I want. I mean realistically I need money, but it is fun to open presents you know and be surprised even if I do know what I am getting because I found it a week early. But still I didn't open anything for my birthday so I want to open at least one present for christmas that isn't a check you know. ohhhhh breaking news. My friends Audra and Patti just came into the lab and brought me a piece of cake! With confetti frosting. Isn't that just the kindest! I have good friends. Speaking of good friends I have good friends with good parents. Over the break I went to canada with Rachel and Laurel. Laurel's parents fed us every meal. I mean I guess that comes with us staying at their house, but still it was so wonderful. And they gave Rachel and I this great room. The Aloha room actually. It had honu all over the place. Reminded me of home. My hawaii home, which will always kind of be like home I think. Anyway they fed us which was awesome, and then Saturday night Rachel's dad gave me a blessing. I really needed one to get me through these last three weeks, so i was really grateful. When it gets down to these last few weeks I always get so emotional. I usually don't cry about stuff, but in the last few weeks of school I cry about almost everything, stupid stuff. Well maybe I don't cry that much, but comparitively it seems like I do. I'm eating my cake. it is delicious. And I just helped someone with finale. Yeah! I get paid for a reason. Sometimes when I spend hours in here and nobody asks for help I feel like I am stealing money from the school, I mean I'm not because I am making myself available to be asked for help, but still. It is nice when somebody actually asks. This is a rally long entry, but I have a lot to say, and a lot of stress so writing helps relieve it a bit. Juries are monday tuesday wednesday the 14-16. I think i am going to go on monday if possible just to get it done and over with, but monday is fast approaching and I don't know if i will be ready or not. I still don't have anything completely memorized. And I haven't starting staging any of my songs either. That could be the kicker for me really. Bahhhhhahahahah. Good thing I have good friends to keep me sane. Rachel and I promised each other that we will keep each other in check these last weeks. Hopefully we keep that promise. I need to. I think I am going to watch last week's episode of the office tonight on my computer as a present to myself. Even though there are a thousand, probably literally a 1000, other things I need and should be doing. Well I am going to finish my cake and go home to FHE and then come back to work. salaam.

Depression

Today I was asked by my teacher to travel to New York and do the Met auditions. For those who don't know that is not only a huge compliment, especially coming from my teacher, but also an opportunity that doesn't come around that often. These auditions are held once a year and are extremmmmely prestigious. When she told me I was literally speechless. I had no idea what to say. Needless to write I've been beyond happy all day and excited and nervous and everything far and between. I mean she was already talking about setting up saturday rehearsals starting this saturday and changing around our whole game plan for this semester. This is a big deal guys. So tonight I am working in the piano lab and I decide that I should probably get online and do some research on the audition and the application process. To my upmost dissapointment I was informed by the website that I miss the birth date cut off by a little over 4 months. You had to have been born before July 14th 1989. Even though this chance to go was only given today I am not taking it very well. I was looking forward to this auditon more than anything. It could have done wonders for me. More than I think you can understand. Anyway I'm really sad about it. Now I have to wait three maybe four years for another shot. Thats a long time. I can only hope that I will be asked to go again. Sorry for the dramaloge, but thats how I feel right now. Super duper depressed and squashed.